In today’s world, emotional and psychological abuse is not always obvious. One of the most subtle yet harmful forms of manipulation is gaslighting. It can occur in personal relationships, families, workplaces, or even in society at large. The person who gaslights often uses denial, misdirection, contradiction, and false information to make the victim doubt their own memory, perception, or judgment. Over time, the victim starts feeling confused, anxious, and unsure of what is real.
Gaslighting is dangerous because it slowly erodes a person’s self-confidence and emotional stability without them even realizing it’s happening.
Meaning of Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where one person makes another question their own reality, thoughts, or memories. The goal is to gain control, avoid blame, or create confusion in the victim’s mind. The term comes from the 1938 play “Gas Light”, where a man manipulates his wife into thinking she’s going insane by dimming the gas lights and denying it.
In simple words:
Gaslighting means making someone feel like their thoughts, feelings, or experiences are wrong, imagined, or untrue — even when they are completely valid.
Example of Gaslighting
Let’s say a woman finds her partner texting someone inappropriately. When she confronts him about it, he says:
“You’re imagining things.”
“You’re just being insecure again.”
“You always make a big deal out of nothing.”
Over time, even though she clearly saw the messages, she starts doubting herself:
- “Did I really misunderstand?”
- “Maybe I’m just overthinking.”
- “He says I’m too sensitive — maybe he’s right.”
This is gaslighting — he is denying the truth, blaming her emotions, and making her question her own reality.
Everyday Example (Simple)
Imagine you placed your keys on the table. Later, you can’t find them. Your roommate says:
“You never put them there. You’re always forgetting things.”
(But in reality, they moved the keys.)
You start doubting yourself:
“Maybe I really forgot…?”
That’s also gaslighting — making you doubt what you know to be true.
How Gaslighting Works
Gaslighting works slowly and subtly. It’s not always obvious at first, but over time, it weakens a person’s confidence, independence, and trust in their own mind. The gaslighter uses manipulation tactics to create confusion and make the victim question their own reality.
Steps in How Gaslighting Usually Works:
1. Denying Your Experience
The gaslighter rejects your version of events — even if it’s true.
“That never happened.”
“You must be remembering it wrong.”
You start wondering if you’re imagining things.
2. Twisting the Facts
They change the story or shift the blame.
“You’re the one who started it.”
“You made me act that way.”
This makes you feel responsible for their bad behavior.
3. Minimizing Your Feelings
They make you feel like your emotions are invalid or exaggerated.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Stop overreacting.”
You begin to silence your own feelings.
4. Using Your Insecurities Against You
They bring up your past mistakes or weaknesses to control you.
“No one else would put up with you.”
“You always mess things up.”
You start feeling dependent on them for validation.
5. Creating Confusion and Doubt
They mix truth with lies, praise with criticism — leaving you confused and off-balance.
One day: “You’re amazing.”
Next day: “You’re crazy, and everyone thinks so.”
This emotional inconsistency makes you doubt your reality.
6. Isolating You
They may distance you from friends or family who could support you.
“Your friends don’t really care about you.”
“You can’t trust anyone but me.”
This isolation increases their control over you.
Result:
After constant gaslighting, the victim begins to:
- Doubt their memory and judgment
- Apologize constantly
- Feel anxious or mentally unstable
- Depend on the gaslighter for “truth”
- Lose self-confidence
Where Can Gaslighting Occur?
Gaslighting is not limited to romantic relationships — it can happen in any type of relationship or environment where there is a power imbalance or manipulation. Here are the common places where gaslighting can occur:
1. Romantic Relationships
One partner may control or manipulate the other by denying reality, shifting blame, or making them doubt their own emotions.
Example: “You’re just imagining things. That never happened.”
2. Family
Parents, siblings, or relatives may gaslight to control, dominate, or avoid responsibility.
Example: “You were never treated badly. You’re being dramatic.”
3. Friendships
Toxic friends may make you feel guilty, exaggerate situations, or deny obvious issues.
Example: “You’re overreacting. It was just a joke.”
4. Workplace
Bosses or coworkers may gaslight to avoid accountability, sabotage others, or protect their position.
Example: “I never told you to do that,” even when there’s proof.
5. Schools or Colleges
Teachers or peers may manipulate students by denying favoritism, bullying, or unfair treatment.
Example: “You’re imagining the bias. I treat everyone equally.”
6. Medical or Mental Health Settings (Medical Gaslighting)
Doctors or therapists may ignore symptoms, blame the patient, or dismiss real concerns.
Example: “It’s all in your head.”
7. Media or Politics (Societal Gaslighting)
Leaders, influencers, or news outlets may deny facts or twist truth to confuse or control public opinion.
Example: Repeating false narratives until people question what’s real.
Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting affects your thinking, emotions, and self-confidence. Here are some common signs that indicate you might be experiencing gaslighting:
- You constantly doubt yourself
You begin to question your memory, decisions, or even your feelings. You often think, “Maybe I’m wrong” or “Am I imagining this?” - You apologize too often
You say “sorry” all the time, even when you haven’t done anything wrong. - You feel confused or mentally unstable
You start feeling like you’re going crazy, especially when your version of events is always denied or twisted. - You make excuses for their behavior
You defend the person who’s hurting you. You say things like, “They didn’t mean it” or “They’re just stressed.” - You avoid talking about how you feel
You stop expressing your emotions because you’re afraid you’ll be blamed, mocked, or ignored. - You feel isolated
You become distant from friends or family, either because the gaslighter pulls you away or because you feel ashamed. - You believe everything is your fault
You take the blame even for things that clearly weren’t your responsibility. - You feel like you can’t do anything right
Your confidence is low. You feel incapable, weak, or like a constant failure. - You seek their approval for everything
You stop trusting your own judgment and always need their opinion to feel okay. - You feel powerless and stuck
You feel trapped in the relationship or situation but unsure how to escape.